in heaven there will be… header image 1

…Flinstones vitamins

October 7th, 2008 · 2 Comments · in heaven...

Do you remember that time when you were a kid? And you weren’t supposed to have candy? But for some weird reason you were allowed to eat Flinstones vitamins, which tasted better than candy anyway? Yeah, heaven will be like that.

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…no dog sweaters

September 27th, 2008 · No Comments · in heaven...

Perhaps this one is obvious, but it is still worth a mention. In heaven dogs won’t be forced to dress up in tiny little human clothing. No little sweaters, no little scarves. Sweater vests are okay though. Wait, what am I saying? No they aren’t. And I know what some of you are thinking:

But what if Prince Snuggles doesn’t have any hair?

There won’t be hairless dogs in heaven.

But what if it’s cold?

It won’t be cold.

But what about Halloween?

Pagan holiday.

Let’s show a little respect for our canine friends. As we all already know, all dogs go to heaven. So let’s not dress them up as cowboys and babies. I don’t care how they do it in Hollywood.

Thanks to Kristin for sending in the suggestion! If you have your own you can send it to us via the Contact form.

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…no songs with sirens in them

September 23rd, 2008 · 5 Comments · in heaven...

If I’m listening to music loudly, 90% of the time I’m in the car. Perhaps I’m an anomaly, but I doubt it. And I’m a pretty cool guy, so I listen to a lot of indie music. You know, the experimental, “too cool for school” stuff. The stuff that thinks it’s clever to mix in some siren sounds. I’m talking to you, Flaming Lips.

Two words: NOT COOL. I fall for those damn sirens every time I’m driving. I’ll slow down, check the rear-view, think about pulling over… and then it will hit me. I’ve been had by an indie band. Flaming Lips isn’t the only offender. I’m sure you’ve got another song in your head right now, sirens blazing. And you’re probably getting all hot and bothered.

In heaven, no worries. Songs will be 100% guaranteed siren-free before you buy them. There’s really nothing else to it. Enjoy!

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